Bubba's Sis' Guide to Critters

In the wake of the hurricane, we've seen plenty of critters around here. Not that they weren't here before - we're just seeing them more frequently now. D... has already talked about the ants, spiders, mosquitoes, and roaches invading our territory - this is my guide to the larger, furrier critters that I'm seeing around here.


The basis of all critters is the rat. Rats disgust me. So imagine my horror when I saw a couple of them eating out of my bird feeder the other night! Just thinking about it gives me the heebie jeebies.

Bats are rats with wings. Bats also give me the heebie jeebies, but bats are really pretty good because they eat mosquitoes. D... has a bat in her attic. And maybe a few in her belfry. I'm just sayin'.

Squirrels are rats with fuzzy tails. To many, the fuzziness is endearing, and I must admit they are kinda cute. But they are still critters - rat critters with fuzzy tails.

That brings us to the possum. A possum is basically a giant rat. These also give me the heebie jeebies, despite the fact that we have a possum that visits our back yard nightly and Daughter named her Margaret. There is nothing cute about a possum, and they can be damn mean, too. If you've ever trapped one you know what I'm talking about. They growl and hiss and bare their critter teeth. Heebie. Jeebies.

Lastly we have a purely Texan critter - the armadillo. These are rarely seen in an upright position; it is much more common to see them upside down by the side of the road. Therefore armadillos are really just possums on the half-shell.

So there you have it, folks. Keep your eyes open for these fellas if you live around here - Ike's got them all stirred up!