As a mother, I've seen my children go thru a lot of things. Navy Son broke his arm and busted out his front teeth. Drama Daughter had to get stitches in her forehead when she was just 18 months old, then oral surgery to remove 9 teeth when she was a young teenager. Band Son got stitches in his chin several years ago, and has had adenoid surgery and other visits to the E.R. While it's never easy, in every circumstance I have been able (for the most part) to remain calm and be strong for them.
But on Monday, Band Son - who is also my Baby - had oral surgery to remove his 4 wisdom teeth, plus 4 other teeth for braces. Drama Daughter had this same surgery and I got her thru it just fine - she was a trooper. But Band Son struggled - the anesthesia made him very, very sick. And I found myself having a hard time holding it together.
I've seen my children throw up dozens of times. It comes with the job of Mom. But Band Son was throwing up lots and lots of blood. And his face was turning purple because he was choking on the gauze. And as I held the trashcan for him and stroked his curly hair, I wasn't grossed out - I was heartbroken for him. I wanted to curl up in that dentist chair with him and just hold him and tell him it was going to be OK. I wanted to take his place so he didn't have to do this at all. I wanted to be that mom in the book "Love You Forever" that holds her full-grown son in her arms and rocks him and tells him, "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living, My Baby you'll be."
Navy Son has been grown up and gone from us for 8 years. I'm used to not having him around. My second Chickie is going to leave the nest this summer, and I'm doing my very best to get used to that idea as well. That leaves my Baby Chick here with me. My Baby Chick that I must protect at all cost so that nothing bad ever, ever happens to him. Seeing him go thru this agony this week is ripping my heart out. (Don't tell him that, tho!)
Why is this so hard?
Sunday Synopsis - East of Eden
16 hours ago
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2 comments:
Being a mama isn't for sissies either. ♥
It's so hard because you're a MOM! That's the hardest job in the world! I have a feeling that even when my teenager is all grown up and married, etc. I'll still think of her as "my baby." Just please don't start thinking "It's my fault he went through this," or any other self-blaming thoughts. I know you would have taken his pain and suffering on yourself if you could have. That's one of the most painful aspects of being a mom. (hugs)
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