Sunday, March 01, 2009

Camera Critters #47

A Letter to My Dogs

Dear Jax and Tango,

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:


(1) They live here. You don't. (2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture. (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. (4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs are better than kids because they (1) eat less, (2) don't ask for money all the time, (3) are easier to train, (4) normally come when called, (5) never ask to drive the car, (6) don't hang out with drug-using people; (7) don't smoke or drink, (8) don't want to wear your clothes, (9) don't have to buy the latest fashions, and (10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college.



** I found this letter over at Fleming Family Circus and thought it was so cute!


floreta said...

oh now that's some hairy terriers! love it.

Julie said...

They're so cute! Too bad they can't read :)

i beati said...

oh yes !!sandy

Patois said...

I love this. My favorite? "Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine attendance is not required."

rachelizabeth said...

So true, so true.

Stacey said...

Tango & Jax are sooo cute! I don't think it's possible to deny them a single thing with faces like that. Headed over to Jami's to see this letter, she's so funny!

Jenny86753oh9 said...

I LOVED this post! Now...could you give that speech to my girls? Please??!?

D... said...

LOL! That's too funny! You know, it's not just for dogs either. Cleo has serious bathroom attendance issues. And Elvis? Well, he thinks he's a dog in a cat's body. Ty has so much fun! Ha!

Katie Lady said...

Funny you got this from someone else, because it describes your doggies EXACTLY!

kris said...

HAHA! That is adorable! I'm going to borrow it sometime when I'm blog tired and don't have a clue what to write! Thanks!

Anonymous said...

Okay, the whole "kiss me before you sniff the other dog's butt had me laughing hysterically.

Tales From the Eurovan said...

Too funny! I just saw on your ticker only 12 more days til your trip! Are you excited or what?
Take care,